The early life of Professor Membrane
by little girl-GROWN UP
Summary: Have you ever thought about the childhood of this pretty mysterious character? The rating changed because of the scene in chap 10. By the way, except of Karen, Mary and Matthew I own nothing of this. Because it s the property of the amazing JV!
1. The mental sickness of some people

Huge raindrops were falling from the sky. It was raining now for nearly four hours, and it did not seem it would stop soon. At the beginning they were so slight nobody paid any attention to the weather, but when it turned into such a heavy rain like the drops would fall down merciless from countless strings the streets died out like there had never been any life outside.

Only a single person in a black coat, soaked to the skin dared it to use the sidewalk. It was a little boy, frightened of the worst thing he could imagine, running as fast as he could to a small house with a flat roof, his brown eyes opened wide showing a scream of terror.

_**1. Capter: "The mental sickness of some people"**_

Standing on the doormat of this house which looked like all the other ones in the street I hesitated although I would only get an shelter there. But I hated that building. Not for its outlooking. Because of the people inside of it, in fact only one person. But this was just another day to face there was no exit of his life.

_- Click-_

Slowly the door opened, I eyed carefully through a little gap. Maybe there was nobody so I had only to wipe up the water dripping in many small drops down from me everywhere and she wouldn´t find out...

"Jules-?!" Said an unmerciful voice from a very angry looking woman with short brown hair and wearing a dark blue, nearly black dress with a blossom-pattern and an apron in front of him. "Where have you been? I told you to return home immediately after school!!" In a shaky voice I tried to put things right.

"I just missed the last bus home-!" But she never forgave any delays,

"Come on, do you think I´m such a fool to believe you this story´? Every time you´re openeing your mouth you´re just telling lies, that´s why no one will ever some kind of love´ you!!", and explanations and apologies she never accepted.

I looked up to her - my mother - and sighed "Okay-", just the raindrops in my face hid the small tears which escaped my sad amber eyes.

The only place I wanted to go to now was my room in the upper level. Every day I said to myself I would be safe there, because she had to remain in front of the door.

The bag I used every day too had its own place where it landed after it was thrown away through the air. But the most important thing now was to undress, the wet clothing was an invitation for every cold. No matter where it landed too, I was just told to make a mountain of clothes. Laying on my bed only in underpants I thought about my life...

Yes, my name is Jules, I am nearly eleven years old and I am a real bright one. But I did just study so hard because my mother had said so. After graduating, she promised me, I would be allowed to choose the subject I wanted to study at university, that was the only great motivation that I needed. The glasses I wore were one thing to proof that. Since I was born I had been a little short-sighted, but after she had let me read even in slight light I saw even worse. Actually I had been able to wear normal glasses but my mother didn´t want it. She demanded I should use these horrible goggles which prevented any look straight in my eyes. Although they matched in a beautiful way with my pitch-black hair.

But there was still one thing wrong.

"Don´t be so lazy, you´re supposed to help me in the kitchen-!" There was no refuge. I wasn´t allowed to lock the door of my room or even to have any other personal space. "And put on some clothes. I can´t stand seeing you this way!"

"Mother, I am feeling so cold. Maybe I am sick..."

"Then take a blanket-!! Are you so dumb? Just come down and help me!"

Right, there was no way out. Not for the first time I had found out my only job was to work, a defective one like someone with a private life and freetime one could do what he wanted was not tolerated.

Down, in the kitchen, my mother was making dough for a cake and she had _nearly finished _her work. "You´re late."

"What is it for?"

"That´s a pretty stupid question. Just crack these eggs for me, then add some milk and butter, some salt and... okay, I´m looking for the blender now." As nearly everytime I had to do such things. She went away, explaining she had to do something really important, get this or that and then... sometimes she didn´t return. That was really unpleasant. Waiting in the cold, while it was raining, finish the cake dough... There were many examples more. And everytime she was asked about it, she said sheepish something like I forgot´, It was too cold´ and so on.

After all ingredients were in the big bowl I was standing alone in the room. I became more cold and just wanted to lay in my bed and hide under a thick and cuddly blanket like no one would be able to harm me, but even though she wanted to finish this cake this would be my work once more.

The story about the blender was just an excuse. It was in the cupboard below the sink, she had not to leave the kitchen. It wasn´t nice, but the last part was really easy. I had just to put the plug into the socket and then mix it. Pretty easy. And I was fast. When I had done everything I just wanted to go away quickly. If there was something she didn´t like-

"What have you done?! You spoilt the whole dough, you foolish idiot!!" She had tried a piece of it. I froze as he stand in the doorway. "I knew you were evil!! Ever since you´re born, you´ve that look in your eyes, I know you like it to torture me, it´s a great fun to you to ruin my whole life, right?!" She moved to me with a hatred in her eyes... I was small and vulnerable and had nothing to protect myself. "I won´t let you continue this. This time you´ve gone too far. Just to let you know: I rue the day you were born, you demon, the worst person ever lived on this planet-!! Now go away, I CAN´T STAND YOU ANYMORE!!"

It snapped me out of his trance. How often had I heard these words, everytime they got sharper than the previous time, ripping into my very soul, never letting me go. A feeling of desperation. As fast as I could I ran up the steps into my room to disappear under this blanket. Although I felt so terrible cold the tears let me fall asleep somehow when the cold turned into an heat, raising only one question.

_How could a mother do such things to her own child..?_

--

Annotation:

Thank you. I really thank you for reading this. I just have to get this from my heart. Maybe you think this is about Dib again although this figure has a diffrent name. But that should be Prof. Membrane (okay, I could have chosen any other name than Jules´, but I think it does not matter now). I don´t know exactly, but have you ever thought about his life before he became Dib´s father? But the greatest questions at the moment are What makes us humans? How do we become who we are?´

for me.

This won´t be the end, because after I have finished this fic I will reveal a great secret.

So I have to thank you again. I would feel glad if you would read the next chaps. Please give me some feedback.

Thanks.


	2. A lovely family

The next day I woke up were so warm... no, hot fitted more. Slowly I opened my eyes, everything I saw looked somehow blurry. As I tried to get up and laid the blanket aside I felt how I became suddenly so cold although I could not stand the heat under it any more. My legs and arms felt also somehow powerless. I would have to lay down in my bed once more. If there would not be this horrible cough.

_**2. Capter: "A lovely family"**_

But she would come if I would be late for breakfast. And I did not want this.

_- Tock tock - Squeak -_

"Hey, mornin´ my little angel. Is something wrong? You will be late for school, please hurry up." She was unpredictable. One moment she cursed you like hell and another moment she was like a mother should be - lovely, helpful,worried about you.

"- Mother, I (cough)... feel so- warm. But I- (cough) but I get so... cold. Am I- sick? (cough)"

A cold hand touched my hot cheek. "Dear God, you´re glowing! You´re so- so... We´ll go to the doctor now-! Can you dress youself?"

"No, please... (cough) don´t go to the doctor..!" I could not see this scene again. "I just- (cough) have to get some sleep(cough), ... really." I showed her a nervous smile. Everytime she went to the doctor they spoke really of her. What a good mother she would be.

"You must´ve felt already uncomfortable yesterday. Why haven´t you said anything-?" As long as everyone thought she would be a great person she did nearly everything. Like giving people money so they would just speak positve about her.

"- I- (cough) did not want to... worry you..." But it was your fault. You wanted me to help you alone in the cold. And although she is convinced that she is such a wonderful person I know how people are amusing about her behind her back. Because she believes you could buy´ friends. She does not know that she is bribing people. Real friends do not need any money to like you.

"Okay then- how about a nice cup of tea? Fruit tea, you like it." She was so nice now, helped me back into my bed and covered me up. "Don´t worry, I´ll be here for you. Just get some sleep my dear."

_- Kiss -_

She really kissed me on my left cheek. She did that not often. I would enjoy this short time of being loved...

My eyes closed quickly. Everything was so exhausting, even thinking. During my sleep she must have been in my room again, as I woke up I saw this cold cup of tea standing on my nightstand. Sun was already setting and the entire house was quiet. I felt a bit better now but not fully recoverred when-

_- Squeak -_

"Uh, there´s my brave little sun-!" A tall man in an white lab coat and long black hair had entered. He was a really friendly person, not as my mother. "As I heard you got a mean cold. Say, how do you feel now? I hope I didn´t wake you up."

"It is okay father, I feel better now. Mother was really nice to me." "That´s great. You know, I would be so sad if there´d be something that put a strain on you. You can tell me everything." Because of that I love him really much, but there is something that is a real problem.

"But for now I have to get some sleep too. Good night, my sunny-!" My father has a really exhausting job in his lab. Sometimes he does not come home, but everytime he is at home he is so tired I cannot tell him anything. In the morning he is leaving for work so early I never had the chance to speak to him.

As he had left my room, mother does enter too. "Your father was really worried as he heard you were sick. Are you better now? I tried not to disturb your sleep..."

"Yes mother, thank you very much." She is somehow disappionted. "Don´t be so shy, you can call me Mary. You forgot, right?" The smile in her face is a bit scary. Because if I call her Mary in times she has her special moments´ when she says so mean things to you... she simply freaks out. _How I would dare to call her Mary´?_

I am just careful. In this rare moments when she is a real mother- I just forget how horrible she can be. I cannot be angry with her. Because she can be so lovely. I know she really loves me, and I want to be loved.

--

Annotation:

Hey, hello. It´s me again. And now: what do you think? Is it terrible? There aren´t people like this Mary´? I am writing implausible? Maybe it seems so. Just wait a bit more. The more I wrote down the more I feel better somehow - I do hope so.

So thank you for reading this...


	3. A light of hope

"Hey, are you okay?" Oh how I like this voice. My only friend I ever had is worried about me. "You weren´t attending school yesterday, I thought it would be something serious..."

"No, you do not need to worry about me, Karen."

_**3. Capter: "A light of hope"**_

"Okay, then-" She smiles back. I just do not want to bother her. How could I-? This friendly girl with two dark brown hair pony tails seems to be always happy. She likes to stick her nose into nearly everything, mostly problems of everyone. I think she likes to help others, she would break if they would it forbid. But my greatest concern is that she will maybe break under all the other´s problems...

"Uhh... after this horrible math lesson I need to relax a bit... So what about... ummm... lunch-?" Why is she sometimes acting so nervous..? "We have some freetime now."

"Sounds nice." I see your blush... It looks so cute..!

We entered the cafeteria. This place was... the best place of the whole building. Unlike the rest (which was so grey and black and... just taking everyone down) it was there a bit more... I do not want to say happy, maybe it was just the fact we had a break...

As everytime we looked around for an empty place. Karen was always a bit faster than me.

"Come here..! This desk is perfect-" She waved me over to her, it was more in the back of the room.

"Why do you choose this places so far away from the others?"

"Errrr..." Her cheeks turned even darker than before. "There... we can... eat at a... quiet place, ... right-?" Sometimes she did not look into my eyes when I asked her something. I had no other friends, and I never watched the other girls. Are they blushing and becoming nervous so fast, too..?

"Really-? You wanted to tell me the right reason some months ago, and now I still do not know anything. Would you mind to..?"

"Ummmm... errrrr..." Please defeat your nervousness, only for once..!

Probably my wish would not be fulfilled, she pulled at the left sleeve of her white sweater.

"That´s... why..." I do not think an human is able to blush in a darker red than Karen did now. "That is why..?" She was pouting.

"- I can speak for myself-!" Because she did not like if somebody was urging her to end her sentences or anything else, sometimes she just needed a moment to think about he words.

"I... I... I..." My assumption was wrong. Not only her cheeks, her entire head had a colour of a deep red like a... ruby.

"I can´t-!" But I am convinced in this moment she was the fastest human alive. The other pupils looked confused as she fled from my question into the... girls´ bathroom. As everytime she left a cloud of smoke in her way. Then I just had to wait some minutes, she calmed down quickly if nobody disturbed her. So I ate the sandwich my mother made for me this morning. I was really happy she was still in a good mood. You could even taste it. If she was angry at all, it tasted... weird, I do not want to say inedible, but... you do not want to find it out. As I had done my sandwich there was-

Still no Karen.

I took the empty remains of my packed lunch to the bin. I hoped there was nothing serious with her. She behaved even stranger than usual...

I stood in front of the lavatory.

_- Tock tock -_

"Karen , are you alright? You did not come back, so..." I hoped she would go out of it soon.

"I don´t know, maybe..."

_Are you kidding? You do not know how you feel..?_

"Please come out, at 1 p.m. we have our English lesson."

"NO!" She shrieked. "You´ll come in, I can´t leave this place-!" She begged for me to enter this... special rooms I would not be supposed to be. I spoke to her in a low voice she was still able to hear, but not the others so I hoped. "Please do not make fools out of us, I cannot come to you, everyone will see me enter, and they know you are in the toilet rooms... this whole action would be stupid-!"

"Pleeaazz´..." She used her weak and vulnerable voice. I knew she had also this look in her eyes... they were begging, too...

How should I react..?

_- Squeak -_

I felt like a pure idiot. "So I am here, and now..?" There was nobody. "Where are you?" All cabins (except of one) were closed, not locked, as the one nearest to the washbasins was unlocked and opened slowly. "Come in..! The next to me-!" And immediately shut again, then locked again. It would be safer to hide there before another girl would enter and began to shriek out loud so anybody would come here.

_- Click - _

"So... here I am... tell me, do you have any problems?" I laid my hand on the cabin wall between us. "I know... you do not want to bother anyone, but... just _one time, be egoistical, think of yourself_-! Say me what is wrong with you!" I was really worried about her. She... about her problems... she was sometimes so introverted.

A quiet and shy voice replied.

"Uhhhh... nothing, but... I couldn´t say this in... the public..."

"What do you mean-?! Has anyone done something wrong to you?!"

I nearly freaked out. If there was somebody who... hurt this... being of pure lovelyness-!!

"I... I like to talk to... you. Please- don´t worry, you know they would call us names and... such things..." She was grieving. "I didn´t want to... make you so... angsty. Forgive me, please."

Then there was silence between us for some minutes.

"I know where your hand is know."

"Are you feeling better?"

"Yeah, and without this wall, we would probably touch each others hands." She laid out a weak laughter.

--

Annotation:

So here I am again... How do you feel now? I wanted to show you not everything is bad. I believe in one life not all things can be miserable. Maybe I just didn´t get my point across... so I won´t say anything till the end of this fic. But you are bright, aren´t you?

- something you should think about:

We often just need some help, but it´s tough to say it to yourself, and it´s even harder to take help from other people. Because we are proud of ourselves. To give in to help from others would show our own weakness, but that´s wrong. The greatest weakness is to be unable to see you´re in need of and take help.

Sorry, maybe you don´t want to read such things. But except of my mother I have nobody to talk to. Somehow I also hope you begin think. So thank you for reading this, not only the story but also my A/N.


	4. Milk bottle

After school I returned home straightaway. Karen knew it already so we did not say good bye the long way. This time I caught the bus, mother would have nothing to complain about.

_**4. Capter: "Milk bottle"**_

I opened the door. All windows were covered by long curtains which did not let any light into the house. "Mother, I am back. Where are you?" From the kitchen, next to the door, I saw a litlle light glowing. She was standing in front of the opened fridge, holding an open milk bottle in her right hand. She was nuzzling something, I could hear it just as I moved towards her.

"The milk... it´s spoiled..." Her look seemed to be far away.

"We should get new then..." As I spoke to her she slowly turned to me. "Do you want to drink some now..? If you like I go to the supermarket and-" Her face began to fill with anger.

"Of course you should go-! _It´s your fault the milk is spoiled_, if you hadn´t been sick yesterday I would´ve got a new good one, but you-!!"

I cannot do anything. I do the only thing I am able to do now. Escape.

I run. I run up the steps, into my room. No matter why, when she is blaming everything on me I have no influence at she is no real person anymore. Then you are simply evil, Devil´s child. Maybe grown ups could calm her down, but... not me. I want to lock it. My door. Stay outside, leave me alone. I cannot hear it anymore.

_Why me? _

_Tell me: __**WHY ME??**_

"Jules, I HATE YOU!!" Shouts this angry and scary, but also pitiful woman. You shall hear her cry everywhere at home, you are not allowed to flee from it. And she reaches me, even though I put my hands on my ears... I do not want to...

_Just... just stop it..!!_

--

An hour passed until she calmed down a little.

"Mother, I go now to get some milk for you. Do you want anything else too?" She is sitting at the kitchen table, saying nothing. The door of the fridge is still open wide. _Should I say something? _As I look at her I see the bottle on the floor - broken into uncountable pieces. "Mother, shall I take anything else for you home?"

"No- Nothing." An living shadow, like a ghost. "Just come back, and watch out traffic can be dangerous especially for a child-" Her smile is so unreal.

"Shall I help you clean the kitchen before I leave?"

"You don´t need to. You could cut your tiny fingers, this pieces of glass are really sharp..." _Why are you... this way..? _But I have to help her "It will be okay, I will watch out and-"

"I said you shouldn´t do-! Now leave, _immediately_!!" She is scary, no question, but...

"Yes, of course!" The door slams shut. I leave now, I ran outside before she can get up again and... she is frightening me. Nearly everyday I ask myself why my father had married her. If anyone would know all of her - there would be no one who loved her, wanted her as friend, or even talk to.

My mind is spinning around this question, to buy something is now daily routine. Unfortunately I am earlier back home than I wanted to.

She is going to rant on me another time.

Why am I still going back?

Because I cannot go somewhere else. I do not have any money with me, I nearly get no pocket money, and often she asks me about to lend her some of it, I have never seen anything back of it. I would have to get quickly out of town, but without a bus ticket..? I have thought about it a hundred times and more, it leaves me nowhere. Since I am here, on this world, I know what hell is.

...

Although I do not want to I step inside. I hope I will be prepared for her wrath and all her yelling at me someday. Like before there is nobody, only she is still sitting like a waiting demon in the dark kitchen, just the open door of the fridge gives some light. "I am back, mother." I want to make her feel comfortable. "Here is your milk." But I should not have done this. "Why have you not turned on the light? The fridge is not made for-"

"I know-!!" I did wake her up out of her thoughts. "Don´t you think it´s nothin´ of your business?!" _I do not want-_

"Of course- " Please _spare me_, **spare me**, _**SPARE ME!!**_

"I will go now- you know where you can find me, so if you have any problem-"

"GO!"

...

Here I am, safe from anyone as long as she does not follow me here. It is hard to calm down, but I have to do. I am supposed to learn somehow our topics. That is so important... if I will fail any test paper she will also freak out.

I cannot sleep. This night will be for school, for tomorrow.

Literature.

--

Annotation:

Hi everyone... Somehow... I´m feeling better. I hope I don´t depress you, it´s just... if you can´t read it, please turn to another fic (although I have planned something very special for the ending). I know this is so... sad and moving inside of you. I just want to thank you again for reading this, you cannot imagine how much I value this-! I´m feeling so bad about what I´m doing to them... especially to Jules...

I know I am mean to him, to you (sorry for this)... It´s also horrible, disgusting and moving to me, because... everything I remember of our family, what my mother told me about them... I...

Wait, at this time it won´t make any sense, please wait a few more chapters. Ummmm... I think I have to thank you again, because you are so patient with me-!


	5. Talking about mommy

Have you ever got to know how short a night can be..? Only seven hours from sleeping to waking, they say most of daily life is happening during this short hours, these creatures who do not like any light, to be seen and jugded about. The night is the time where you can hide yourself, or vice versa, show yourself not to anyone of the 'daylight-people'. And it is also my time. Often. Mother is going to sleep late and I have a chance of getting further. The quiet sound of the door when father is coming back I do not hear most of the time. So everything is quiet, sometimes they talk in low voices and go to bed then.

Unfortunateliy not this time.

_**5. Capter: "Talking about mommy"**_

"Dear God, why did you punish me with this horrible child-?!"

I do not know why but she seems to have very orthodox roots.

"What have I done wrong-?"

Sometimes she just prays. So loud that I can hear her. Does she want God to hear her-?Or is this just for me, to remind me who I am-?

- My only wish is to say her '_I just want to be as you want me to be-!'_

but she will not listen. It would be contraproductive. It is a great offense to listen to her prayer. Abou this she is forgetting one important fact: _I do not want to-!! _But she is forcing me to do so-!

_Just look at your book, forget where you are... It is more important to think about the book..._

And Faust? What about him? A great doctor, he had been studying everything they knew in his world, just to see that he was still so unhappy. An useless life, wasted with studies which were poison for a 'beautiful soul'... They say it would be the harmony between sense and duty, perception and inclination. While Faust was just common with his sense and duty, Mephistopheles was the other part... ... That is why Mephistopheles does not get Faust´s soul after their treaty, known as 'Faustian Bargain', because Faust... ... ... A low "Yawn" escaped my mouth. It was nearly 0. a.m. and everything was quiet... maybe I should get some sleep too...

_- Wait a moment, you have to finish this-! _

But I don´t want to... who would be interested in this 'Faustian Bargain' anyway? To sell your soul just to get... (yawn) - _everything you want _from... the devil, or somebody else who has enough resources... That sounds more interesting...

_Would I do..? Just to get out of here..? _

But not anything is... weird and... disturbing... I know it. I hope to know how everything is... really...

Mother, you are making this a home, a family, just say, do you love me...? This question is haunting me. I will get a rest only if you tell me the truth... please say it to me- Do you love me? I want to love you, to be loved, that is everything I ever wanted to have. As long as there is somebody out there who is loving me... I will go on... for him, for me, for the two of us...

_Can you... show me this... hope..?_

I cannot hold my tears. Is my only wish so... has it to remain unfulfilled forever..? I just want an answer-!

Please, give me an answer, _answer me_, **answer me**, _**answer me**_,_** ...!**_

--

"Aaarrg-!"

- What-? What is going on?

"Damned coffe-!"

Did I... did I fell asleep..? I did not want to-! But the sleepy eyes I had been rubbing were enough to proof that. And who had shouted so loud?

I had to get up. Was there somebody who wanted to harm mother and father? No, I will not let you continue your... Now I was standing behind my door. Careful I opened it to just catch a little sight outside.

There was no one.

Maybe this person was down, in the living room. It was really lucky I had heard you, now I will- climb down the steps as quiet as I can. When I see him I am going to shout out loud, loud enough to wake up mother, and then...

The kitchen light was on. But who wanted to steal something valuable out of someone´s kitchen..? Except of- there were lot´s of knives-!

Then I would had have no chance. He would kill me straightaway, but would mother be really happy then-?

I should go back, if I make any noise he will find me-!

_- Plop -_

Oh, how stupid are you to fell up these steps-! Now my blood freezes really, there is a shadow coming out of the kitchen, with a-

- cup of coffe?

"Did I wake you up?" I had such nightmares, and it was just...

"I am sorry, I thought you would be an evil person, father... Now I know how foolish I am-"

"Okay then sunny, but call me 'Matthew', please. I´m sorry to have scared you- But this coffe was really hot as it touched my hand..." He is stroking over my head. "You aren´t a fool. Fear is only a natural feeling, it protects us from high danger, and sometimes... not. But never start to believe you would be an idiot, okay? Just show me your adorable smile once again then everything will be forgotten for now-"

I forgot how early father has to get up and leave home. Mother often uses some sleeping pills, she never wakes up by him when he is leaving. And now he is eating his breakfast, at 4 a.m. and reading today´s newspaper. Unlike to my mother I can call him by his real name without any punishment. That is why I like my father. He is understanding me and my problems, he gave me often hints to solve them.

There is another thing I cannot understand-

"Father-" no, wait a moment please. He looks at me with an awaiting in his eyes. "Matthew-"

"Right! What do you want to know?" He is so... caring about me.

_How shall I put this question-?_

"I... I just wanted to know..." I fear all those words. These words mother is giving me. But will he, too..?

"I-just-wanted-to-know-why-you-married-mother?"

"So finally you said it." He takes a bit of his toast. "**Please**, _do not yell at me_, _**I will never ask **_you this stupid question _**again**_-!"

_Just do so. Do so. I am begging you-!_

"Why should I yell at you? Because you asked me this-?" I cannot look him into his eyes. I can see a hand above me, but not the hand is hurtng me, the words do... they are as worse as if they would simply beat me... The wounds of physical violence will disappear, but their insulting will remain forever like these words... no one will ever see them... How can you show something which has no real body, you cannot touch..?

- Arms. Two strong arms are embracing me. I cannot do anything, even if I would try to.

"Whatever is on your soul tell me. You can trust me, that´s for sure. And do you know why-? Because I´m your father, and I´m loving you more than anyone else in life will do. Okay, one day you´ll have a girl-friend so I can´t compare this... Just say it to me.

It´s not the children´s task to protect their parents, now should be the happiest time in your life when you don´t have to worry about anything... You can tell me everything. Be sure, I can take this, and I´m willing to help you. Now-?"

_- Sob -_

What should I say..? I... these... words... so... it is... so hard to believe...

"Can you forgive me? I didn´t ment to make you cry... Do you still want to tell me anything? If it´s hurting you I´ll stop-"

"Hold me... some time... I... I... I...-"

"Whatever is wrong with you, I´ll lend you an open ear." I cannot tell him everything. He would argue with mother, and she would just blame anything on me... My only wish is this moment would at least remain forever- It is so... seldom we share things like this... _I do love you, so... __**never let me down-! **_Just one moment longer, I cannot stand the bad world outside, even inside this house without... any help-

Silence is raising. No one of us says anything.

...

"And your mother-" He broke the silence which had settled between us. "She wasn´t how she is today as we married... I´m a bit scared of her, too, because I´ve never seen a person´s character change so fast... as she did. She had been a really friendly and nice person, otherwise I hadn´t did this. Yeah, she had been really happy with you. I think she was even more happy than me, she wanted to know everything about your health as she carried you... Everything what could have be a threat for you she did strictly avoid... That´s right... really..."

_Why do you sound so sad now-?_

"After you were born she began to change. At the beginning I didn´t even notice it. I was so shocked as I went home one day, I don´t know exactly, it had been some months after your birth... ... as I found her shouting at you... You would destroy all her happiness, her whole life... you were simply evil... but... man, you were just a baby..! No adult would ever say something like this to a child, and especially not to his own so I grabbed you and took you with me... yes, you were cryin', my soul was revolting against how... she treated you... I asked myself how often she had been to you like this before I found it out, and if she would continue it... It was the first time I had the will to leave her. I didn´t want to leave you alone with her... But I had to think twice. I had the same exhausting job like today, you know I return home very late just to leave so early in the mornin'... Neither I could do all this house-work, nor looking for a baby..! I know she´s... strange, she get sometimes so moody just like everyone, but she can... react so... ... I can´t describe it. I knew leaving you alone with her had to be horrible for you, and this time will never come back... I just want to give you a little bit back of what she maybe can´t give you, what she´d taken from you..!"

"- But she is not mean all the time."

_My mother cannot be such devil-like person-!_

"Yes, sometimes... she´s this lovely person I married once... I don´t know how often she is... this way... I just want you... to forgive me... I know I´m a terrible father, I left you here although I knew the consequences... a bit, maybe I don´t know anything about how this will turn out in the end... Just forgive me. Everyone of us is... a devil at a certain point, but I feel like I would be Satan... You shan´t miss anything, this I can promise you. I want to give it back... to you... ... ..."

_- Please, do not cry..!_

--

"Matthew, look at the clock. You should leave now-" He loosens his embrace and stares at his watch. "That´s right, I´ll go now-"

_- Kiss -_

A second time for the last days he kisses me, on my forehead.

"I would like to stay here with you, but I can´t. Just be brave, you´ll manage every trouble which bothers you-!" He wipes the small tears which remained in his eyes away. His last smile is everything I see of him for today.

--

Annotation:

And you...? Do you have somebody you can talk to and he would not laugh about you and your problems? To have such a special person you should feel very glad, really. Yes, I´m so down at the moment, I really need somebody to pick me up. It´s weird that I get so happy again when I get some feedback. I had never thought so many of you would value this piece of... right, like these: send me a signal when it´s moving on´ people and such things... So- thanks a lot! Especially to **91cookieluvahh59**. I am till tired (yawn), but I wanted to post this chapter quickly. For You. You made me happy. **Thank you.**

Now I will turn to another (more happy) fic. There are so many talented writers outside there. I like to read your stories. So thank you not only for reading but also for leading me outside this valley of grief..!

P.S.: Maybe you begin to think I am repeating the question 'Do you love me?' everytime. Maybe. But this is one of the most important things. We seek for love, everybody without any exceptions, as Jule's or the Prof. do. Especially children.


	6. Family holiday

How fast does time speed forward? If you look at the hours of a day you will see every day has the same lenght, and although we know this fact time is running... or is seeming to freeze. Why do all those happy moments go away so fast while everything we do not like seems to last forever? Because it is all in our perception of time-

_**6. Capter: "Family holiday"**_

"Hmmmmm... Good mornin'..!" A sleepy looking person had arrived. Father had gone some hours ago, I do not know what I did in this time. The hands on the clock had moved on without me noticing. So the warmth of father had gone, too.

She was going to make new hot coffe.

"Have you been here since daddy had left?" I nodded. As long as I do not speak I woud stay here, in this parallel world of slowly apart floating thoughts... You are in some dreamworld then, the outside world has to stay where it is - outside. But everyone takes it as 'paying no attention', 'drifting apart'...

The coffe machine did its work. "Shall I make you your lunch package?" Now she had opened the fridge just to find out- "There´s nothin´ left... _Did you eat everything-?!_" I did nothing. Showing no movement in my face, or moving on the chair. Probably she would blame it on me now.

"- Dear God-! Tomorrow-!!"

I did not listen, no matter what... "- -What is going to happen tomorrow, mother-?"

"-Jenny-!"

"Who is Jenny?"

She looked confused at me, like you do not know what somebody is talking about or... she thought about some things and did not listen... "-You want to say you forgot everything about Jenny-? Your aunt-?

Who was really worried about you nearly all the time..? Who cares for you? Who gave you all these nice toys? Who...-?"

I blocked these sentences. She meant _this JENNY_ who... oh no... I can see black clouds rising...

"I-got-it-! And you want to say..?" She spoke in mysterious formulas. She was really... going on my nerves when she was wondering about everything but did not get her point across.

"Your aunt Jenny wanted to come tomorrow. With uncle Ben, your niece Annabell, your cousins Tobi and Robi, ... and ... - I don´t have to count everyone- You know, we agreed on this spinning system when anyone in our family has his birthday so we see all at the parties-"

That meant nothing... pleasurable... Since we just invited one part of the family - namely Jamesons - and broke any contact with the other part - the Kanos - (this had been so as long as I can remember) I did not like any family holidays. They just met to show anyone how much money they had with all their expensive decorations, the food of which nearly the half would not be eaten and then thrown away because it were so much nobody was able to... eat it. It was just a wasting of everything one can imagine.

They made fun of incidents I had been scared of the worst case just to happen, saying it was nothing serious... Oh yes, they had enough time to talk about useless stuff, but they paid no attention to me since I had become seven.

Instead of that, Tobi and Robi, my cousins who were now in the kindergarten got everything they wanted, no matter how stupid their demands were. I am convinced that it was because of the fact they were Jamesons and I had 'Kano' as my surname...

And I got to know how the Jamesons thought - for real. To tell the truth, they just came with their children to show them to mother, _oh_ _how much they cared_ about their kids, my mother and me, and got money then. They just came because of that. I cannot stand this. People just come to get money. They are such hypocrites. Every great thing - I am supposed to say 'wonderful gifts' which are an enormous loss of memories (ideational) and money (they had been _soooo_ _expensive_), so _full of love_, ... there are so many more examples- But evrything I got from them was... nearly full damaged. So I get just their garbage, anything they do not want to have anymore, and I have to be grateful all the time for this...

"- So I´ve to hurry now-! You don´t mind leavin´ without lunch today-? I´ve got to do so many things you can´t think of- - Go now!"

"Mother, it is not time for me to go to school-"

"It doesn´t matter, _just GO-!_ I need to be alone, and _you_ just _annoy me!"_

--

Annotation:

This chap is done now. Since I left home this morning as grieving as the previous days and then listened to 'Coldplay' and now to 'Linkin Park' I am glad to say: I don´t feel so moody anymore. O.K., I´m not sooo happy, but at last I´m not unhappy..!

On the other hand... maybe this sadness was the special thing that let me write this... I have to be very sad about my loss of this grief if these chaps start to sound unreliable now... At least I´m complaining about this..? I´m sure this looks really strange... But I´m happy about not having any headache now-! The last two days my head did cause soo many pain... maybe because of my... emotions as I wrote, or because of these workers who did the asphalt away to dig under it, or because these both... (Okay, I see I´m writing more useless stuff now, I can see the result of my changed mood- would you forgive me this faux pas?)

I hope you have a more lovely family than the Prof. in my fic-! But I want my grief back, right now, so return immediately to meeee-!!

And: thank you for reading! Yes, you are someone special for me, 91cookieluvahh59, becuase you talked to me, that is really nice- Perhaps you are some kind of a fan, right-? I hope you are happy everytime I posted the next chapter, than I would be happy in a special way, too.


	7. My sandwich for a special friend

_- Smash -_

She shut the front door. Now I know how it feels to be thrown out by your mother...

"I need my bag, mother-!" She had ran away and did not hear me.

"- _Mother-? __**Mother-?**_" So I thought, but at that moment she had returned and opened the door. I was glad. "I need-"

"Here you are!" My bag landed... at the sidewalk, nearly at the street. "Now disappear somewhere, you annoying freaky-!"

_- Smash -_

She is really good at smashing doors shut. And to give you _nicknames full of love. _Maybe I am a lucky one despite of any other thing, because I catched my bag without being runned over by a car. There is more traffic in the morning because the adults have to go to work, and they seem to start all at the same time. In the afternoon it is different, ones do not have to work long, others like my father are pretty busy.

_**7. Capter: "My sandwich for a special friend"**_

"You don´t have anything for lunch then-?" Karen showed me an unbelieving expression. We sat next to each other in the last row in the history lesson, sticking our heads together for talking. "Right, and I do not need anything to-"

"Stop-" A hand had closed my mouth. "Don´t you think only an ignorant moron would say things like 'I don´t need anything to eat'? Mommy told me that food is very important, without the energy it stores your brain will... not work right." Her eyes were staring into mine, she was so serious now. I took her hand away to speak to her, and at last my classmates should not notice anything of our conversation. "First, I am no moron, and second-"

"- She´s a paediatrician, she knows nearly everything our family should know about how to raise a child the right way." This sudden comment out of the blue-

"I did not want to ask you this... so why did you say that?"

"It just leads to this questions everytime, so..." I pouted. Not the whole time I asked everything of everyone to find out how reliable the sources were...

"I just wanted to ask who of the others would share with me yet?!"

I knew they would not do so-

"Me, for example-!" a happy voice said. She broke her sandwich in two parts and-- Suspicious I rose an eyebrow. I felt uncomfortable.

"Thank you very much, but how about you-? This is your food and-"

She smiled. "- And I decide who´ll get one half of it-! Now take it, or they´ll look at you making such a scene of it. And I don´t want to mess up with our teacher."

_Am I allowed to take this-? I was told not to bother the others..._

"Ummm..." I looked at the half sandwich, unsure what to do: wether or not take this present.

"And which magic spell you say-?" What did she want to hear from me-? Maybe-

"Abrakadra-" That was all I could guess.

_"NOOOOOOO!!"_ She broke out into laughter, holding her stomach. Was my reply incorrect-?

"No- - (laugh)- no, you say-, you say- - 'Pl-'... 'Please'... and take it- finally--!"

The way she bent herself out of shape made everyone else look at us now. Even the teacher. Unfortunately this was Mrs. Bitters. "I´ve seen enough, you two will be my _companion_ after your last lesson!" This had been a very piosoned hissing.

While I am worrying about mother at home... I try not to think about school which they call 'Pre-Hell' at all, mostly because of Mrs. Bitters. The other teachers were just... average, not worthy to be mentioned although they were not like our female 'Satan'... we liked them more than her.

But to be Mrs. Bitters _'companion'_ would mean... to be late-! I did nothing more dislike than this-!! No, mother did not like it, for me it did not matter when I would return from school- So once again her... rants I would be a devil... and she is already stressed with the preparation of this birthday party... This time she will lose-

"Stay cool Jules- This isn´t the worst thing what could´ve happened to us." Karen was looking straight forward with a will in her eyes... I have never seen before this strenght in one´s eyes, it is a look with that you could scare off anybody. Then she changed her expression, looking again friendly and lovely at me, "Together we´ll do it! I´ll help you. Where should friends exist for then this?" and hands her right hand over to me.

_Shall I..? Why should I do this-? _

Finally I decide for taking her hand. "Okay then, 'friend'-"

--

Annotation:

I´m still not (un)happy. So what about you? How do you feel right now?

I hope I did not confuse you after I cut out the whole time till skool started. In Germany we say 'magic spell' to teach children they shall say things like 'please' and 'you are welcome'. For example, if a child wants a cookie, the mother or father (or whoelse) is saying something like this. Then it will get a compliment and the cookie. And if it has a good education one will say 'thank you' (okay, that is clear).

P.S.: I put Mrs. Bitters not just for 'fun' in... I think this a point

both - Dib and his father - should have in common. They are more similar than they seem to be. Although I don´t know anything about the Prof.´s childhood from TV I would say... Dib wants to be recognized, to show anyone he is not 'crazy' at all... and the nearest person who has achieved all Dib wants is... his father. So then... would Dib become like his father after he got what he wanted..? Of course, personality is also important... But in the matter how Membrane treats his son´ is, so I believe, a hint about how his parents treated him. Because I can imagine how hard it is to break through... such things... that the children of violent people don´t become violent, too, and any other example you know...

Okay, I´ll stop here, just let me say once again: many thanks to you all outside there-!

P.P.S.: Sorry for this long A/N. I think I will be able to cut this the next time. But I have to warn you, I am going to write the next chapter, so you have to wait some time.


	8. The day before tomorrow

'In Heaven God and his arch-angels are watching everything what is happening on earth (like the tides of the sea, heavy storms, the sun) what shall show the power of God. While they are worshipping the Almighty God Mephistopheles, a fallen angel who is known as the devil, is visiting them. In the end, Mephistopheles and God make a bet on Faust´s decision whom of them he will follow. Why do they choose him?'

_**8. Capter: "The day before tomorrow"**_

"Here we are- you are not allowed to talk,drink, eat, ... you'll just sit here so I can watch you- if you'll do anything you're not allowed to you'll get an even worse punishment than you are able to imagine-!"

'Don't worry, I'm with you.' she told me. She is telling me even now. Through her eyes. Our eyes meeting in silence is the only thing we can share now, and that is consoling. The thought of somebody to be with you. No hurt, just the presence of-

Time does not matter now.

'Faust shall be a model for the entire mankind-'

"Okay, time's over, you can leave now- I hope I'll don't see you two once again here-!"

Outside in the halls everything is silent, we were the last pupils and perhaps the last people in the building.

"So you see... it hadn't been that bad as you thought at the beginning-" She is sending me a comforting, lovely smile. Unfortunately I cannot stay. "If you hurry she won't get angry with you-"

"You are right- I think I should go home now- -"

"Okay, then... see you later-!"

The last bus had already left so I had to run home again. Luckily this time it did not rain. I do not want to... hear this again and again and again and again..!

'Faust is trying to understand how the world is working. He is trying to reach his aim by his studies-'

Carefully I opened the front door.

"Mother, I am back-!"

No one could be seen, just a low noise had been there. I did not know where she was. Only to imagine she did not stand angry behind the door had been really nice.

'God is believing Faust will turn to him and his knowledge, he does not fear him to be tempted by everything Mephistopheles will offer Faust-'

At first I went to the kitchen, the last days I had found her there. On the table in the middle of the room was standing an huge cake. But she was not here.

"Mother, where are you-?"

- No response. In the upper level I heard the same noise as before, this time I could hear someone rustling.

'Mephistopheles on the other hand is convinced of Faust turning away from God, because God let him 'move' around without guiding him through the world, and he is able to show Faust the beauty of the devil, anything he ever wanted-'

Up the steps, the room opposite of mine- I have never been there, and I do not know how it is looking inside.

Now I know.

In this room she is storing countless boxes, all kinds of 'rubbish' as she called it. She does not want it in the rest of our house, but she does not want to throw it away, maybe she could use it some time in the future. So everything is a mess-

'However he will decide, follow God's path or selling his soul to Mephistopheles, he will be a model, because mankind had been walking through its life without any guide like Faust. Faust shall end the old battle between Heaven and Hell for the human souls-'

Some boxes are open, their content lying at the floor, on other boxes... ony she is knowing where she got it from, in which box it is belonging-

"I saw your cake, you are done with your preperation of tomorrow. Do you still need any help-?"

She is still absorbed in her 'work'. Perhaps I have to go near to her.

"Is anything okay-? Our testpaper today went really good, I got an A-"

This time, still not looking at me she is managing to speak to me.

"That's nice... Really... but..."

"I know I had been late, and I wanted to say sorry-" Will you take my excuse-? I had not wanted to..!

She is turning her head round to see me.

"Never mind being late, at least you're here- but I thought you would be bright... bright as me, your dad, our family-"

She is confusing me.

"I am sorry... what do you want to say-?"

She is getting up, looking down at me.

"Are you a hollow-head-?!", her loud voice is... frightening-

"I do not understand you- What do you want to tell me-?"

Slowly she is coming over to me. Does she want to show me how

small I am once again-?

"A really bright student would've got an A, you moron-!!"

"I- I am... I am sorry- Are you... disappointed-?"

"Of course I'm disappointed, I'll be unable to look into their eyes tomorrow, and it's all your fault-!!"

She is not recognizing my small steps. I want to get away, this time slowly backwards. I just have to reach the doorway of the room-

_- Smash -_

She had shut the door in front of me. I am not supposed to be inside. I am... I am not sad, I am relieved- I do not want to imagine what she maybe would have done to me.

I am rather alone than together with her.

--

Annotation:

Okay, I have finished this chapter. In the next one I will show you what I promised you at the end of chapter 4. It will not be the final chapter but the end is near, though.

By the way, I had not been inspired by Squee, although this is a possible idea. I am going to tell you in the last chapter-

Now I want to thank **91cookieluvahh59** and **Sophie**. You are really... one of the best friends one could have, I had never been able to imagine how much you were worried about me... thank you for your call- And sorry for my stupid mail, cookie-!

P.S.: Unfortunately I had no real good idea for a proper title. And I tried to integrate the story of Faust, please do not call me a liar if you were taught something different about this. However, I will go back to this 'Faust'-topic later.


	9. Encounter with an 'angel'

I should have known.

I should have known what had been going to happen as I went to sleep, as I went outside the next day to attend skool. Even my horoscope had said something incredible was about to happen to me. But I had never believed in this kind of fortune telling-

_**9. Capter: "Encounter with an 'angel'"**_

"Hey you-!"

An unexpected voice called me as I had been about to enter skool. I had been curious, why had anyone ever tried to talk to me except of Karen and I turned eventually to the direction this sound had been coming from.

There I had seen him.

A boy, looking exactly like me, he had been the same height than me, the same haircut and... had worn the same clothes as me-

The nightmare of ever meeting someone who was a copy of you had come true- -

I hesitated, just watched him moving slowly towards me.

"Who are _you_-? You look like I had met you somewhere before-"

I did not want to hear him talking to me. I ran into the opposite direction. Perhaps he did not know the way round in our town, and there had been still some places only Karen and me had known.

This had been my last chance to escape-

"-Wait-! Please stay, I just wanted to ask you some-"

Seeing me flee he had to spare his breath if he really wanted to catch me. Because everyone who is escaping in fear is faster than people who run without any motivation. This motivation is the old strategy of saving one's life, old remainings of our early ancestors living in a world shared with many dangers.

Some corners later I turned around. I had gotten rid of him. I do not want to disappear only because this 'copy' had been appearing in town.

I had been late for skool now, but I did not care. Whatever would happen if I were not attending there today it could not be worse than this-! But I had to go to a more silent place, the adults had ever watched out very careful wether a child had playing truant. My last choice had been the city park. There I would find some rest and I woud be able to hide. The best hiding place I had been able to imagine-

...

In the centre of my beloved park had ever been a small lake. I remember to have fed the ducks there sometimes with some bread - maybe I had been there with my father on holidays but I cannot recall this clearly. Only the blurry memory of it had been calming me down every time I went there. Because animals do not hurt you on purpose, they are only theirselves, they do not fake anything. That is why you can complete trust in them, they would only harm you when you or anyone else had hurt them...

My little friends had been there, even my best 'friend' Jimmy, he is that duck with the white patch on its neck. I just wanted to stay here forever...

"-Got you-!" called a loud voice, and before I had been able to react someone had caught me from behind of me. He hold me tight around my chest- "What-?"

I fell forward, his arms hurt me because he also had laid on top of me.

"Uwwww..." This is sounding senseless, and it had been senseless. For the first time in my life I had said something so meaningless. I guess it had been the surprise of beeing attacked form behind when you had not been expecting something like this-

Then he had loosened his grip. "Hey, I'm sorry, but you left me no other choice to-" and stepped away from my back.

"-What do you want from me-?" I had turned round to see just one last time the sky and the face of my fate or whatever he had been. Not only my life had been a hell, now I would get abducted or something else by this person.

An offering hand to help me to get up informed me "I had just wanted to talk to you, and you had ran away so I had to make sure you wouldn't flee a second time", followed by a comforting smile.

Eventually we had sat down next to each other. We seemed to be each other's reflection, just this boy who introduced himself as 'Dib' acted and looked more like my positive pole. Like we say in science 'positive' and 'negative' poles make something neutral, so I would stop to exist now after he had been arriving here-

"... I... I feel sorry for you."

He seemed not to be here because of this. Perhaps he had really sympathy with me... his happy shining eyes had turned into a sad image just before they became bright again.

"I have a great idea-! Look, my friends and I are here just by chance, but maybe I am able to make your greatest wish come true, whatever it is- tell me-!"

The bare thought of helping me seemed to have fired him wit enthusiams. In this point he reminded me of Karen, she had been like him now some times-

"No- it is nothing-"

I turned my head away from him. Of course, his offer had been tempting, but I could not take it. Inside of me a strict voice had me forbidden this, I had not been supposed to... I just wanted to cry, if I were living after this voice I would miss the best parts of my life, on the other hand I would get ranted at for breaking 'rules'... honestly, whatever I would do I would choose the wrong choice-

"I do... I do not have any dreams...-"

"Maybe you can lie to yourself, deluse yourself, but you will never deceive me-", his looked wandered over to me.

_You are right, everything I do is just to... maybe my whole life is a lie, and I will never get what I ever wanted... as long as I live the way mother had been programming me-_

I turned back to him as he continued to speak.

"Imagine - this will probably the only chance you will get ever-" and then up to the sky as he would look for something in particular before he looked me again straight into my eyes. "Do you still want to waste your only opportunity-?", his smile gave me the strenght to say my innermost wish out loud.

"I... only want to have- one day just for me. No skool, no mother, nothing of this, I want to spend one day as I would like to-" I had been still ashamed of this. To me my desire sounded senseless, and that I had no right to claim it.

"I don't think this is a big problem- we are wearing the same clothes and look lke each other so we just have to change our glasses and we can swap the roles- All right?", he took his glasses away and moved closer over to me.

"Probably you are right... because we look like exactly the same- why do youmlook like me-? Do I look like you-?"

"Easy does it-! I will tell you, but now you have to wait-", he said, taking up my thick goggles and handing his fine glasses over to me. For the first time I would be able to see my own eyes, I hoped so much I would be able to use his pair of spectacles-

"I cannot see anything without my glasses- how are mine-? Can you see anything clearly-? Yours are pretty heavy..."

"They are good, only the things far away I cannot see clearly-" He whirled around for some time, causing me to laugh at this scene.

_How long had I not laughed-?_

He caught himself and stated matter-of-factly "Jules, today I'm going to have a great headache-!"

--

Annotation:

Probably you are confused now, I can imagine you are asking 'Where the Hell did Dib come form?', but to comfort you: I had intended this to be one part of a great jigsaw puzzle. I will not tell you where he did come from, because this story is around the Prof., and this is out of his perception, and he does not know who 'Dib' really is. Okay, my A/Ns aren't inspired by the Bible and I 'dared' it anyway to use 'angel', but these figures are well-known nearly everywhere, in every religion.

By the way, you have probably also thought (like me) about the reason the Prof. in the T.V. series is calling Dib and Gaz 'son' and 'daughter'.

Now I want you to tell you my answers.

As you may know, in English is only existing one 'you' for friends and also people you are not as close as to your friends. For example, in German we have 2 forms for 'you', at first 'du' - only used for close friends, family members, lovers etc. - and 'Sie' - to show one's respect, to make clear you do not know somebody well or to be polite to somebody. It is also showing a distance between people.

The words 'son' and 'daughter' are only terms, perhaps they shall keep a distance, because calling somebody by his first name is seen as a closely 'du'. I believe the Prof. does not want anyone to get near to him - the reasons for his behaviour can have many shapes. As a shelter, the will not to be hurt, or maybe he really does not like his children. But I think this theory would be senseless, because the act of 'producing' children should be only done in love between a man and a woman. And even Dib should be just a clone (as I wrote it), why is he existing-? And who is Gaz-?

(Yeah, okay, I told you the weaknessess of my theory, but I don't care at the moment. I had never claimed to be perfect-)

However, thank you for reading-

At this place I want to greet (and thank)... cookie, my new friend-! I am going to tell you everything I know, but it has so much topics I hope this will not confuse you-

And thanks to otherrealmwriter-! It's a great honour for me everytime somebody likes one of my stories-


	10. The final end of a childhood

"You remember where you have seen me for the first time-? There is the skool, and unfortunately I am late..."

"Don't worry, I'll go there for you- - Are you sure this is enough money-? Maybe you want to buy something that's really expensive."

"It is good, you have already given me more than I deserve..."

"Okay, then... we will meet here again, at 9 p.m. Have a nice day-! And don't forget: as long as I am 'Jules' you will be 'Dib'-"

Maybe the smile he his showing me is mine. If I am smiling like him I am going to find more happiness in life. Because I like it, I like to see his smile-

_**10. Capter: "The final end of a childhood"**_

I had wanted to ask him a second time why we are looking like the same, but he rushed away very fast. I hope the next time he is going to give a reply-

Now where to go to-?

In the park I had been able to hide the entire day even without Dib's help, I should use this one chance to go everywhere I want... where do I want to go now-?

To the Mall..?

No-

Mother will be probably be there. Usually she does not have everything completed the previous day, and now she is surely in her favourite shops and stores to buy even much more food and drink...

I do not want to be seen by her. Maybe she is still talking to one of her 'friends', and when she is going to the next shop... a great chance of being caught-

My last opportunity is to walk along the main street with all those pretty shops and look through their windows- I hope no one of the other adults is going to see me there... but actually no one cares, nobody had ever cared and this state is probably going to stay forever-

Oh, there-! It is an huge store. The first one I had arrived-

How do they call it? I have to look up to read this sign. "CD-Storage"?

The great shop window has some features of an huge mirror where I can see my image clearly. I am able to 'touch' myself gently, such as... Dib. Really, perhaps I am not bad looking because he is not, too.

I like the colour of my eyes-

Therefore it is a bit difficult to get a look inside, only rough outlines I can catch... There seems to be no one... inside who is knowing me, just an amount of LPs and some more things. Only the owner seems to be there, otherwise I am unable to spot anyone else in abandoned hallways...

I wonder if they do have ... ... - what kind of music..? I have nearly nothing at home, mother had complained a lot about me listening to the wrong music, or I had been too loud- I should not waste my extra gift from Dib...

_- Squeak -_

"See you later, Henni-"

But maybe... I should go inside- just to take a look, perhaps I will never see it from the inside...

"- Jules-?!"

... who..? This familiar voice... please, this shall not be true-!

"Jules-!!"

I had hoped so much. If this wonder had happened I would have thought about becoming religious... but I am not sure if I had been able to make this great sacrifice-

But my hopes were destroyed... just one more time. I will never count for how many times - anymore.

In the mirror-like window I can see her. She just went out of the butcher's. And she is able to see my image in this window. She is going to cross this God forsaken street... but maybe I have not lost my whole luck, because there had been a great truck and she could not pass the street yet.

My chance.

I go.

I will not let this day be spoilt by her. She had screwed up already nearly my whole life-

"JULES-!!" She is still shouting my name; it is really hard not to react to her. After all those years one is getting used to the name he is called, a kind of a natural habit, and now to act against my urge-

**"JULES-!!"**

Calm down, remember... He said... he told me... Now I am- I am

"I- I am... I am **DIB**-!!"

And off- You have to take my lie now, but I know you will never believe me even if I were Dib, really-

In fact you do not know me, you have not any idea of my life, places where I am going to- You will not find me, you will not get me-

...

She is not following me anymore. My ways are mysterious, everyone is going to lose my trail. Because no one ever even tried to get to know me. Only someone like Karen does know me- And I an glad about this fact.

Nevertheless I do have a problem now.

Where shall I go to now-?

She scared me off the only place I wanted to go in, and probably she is still looking out for me. ... or... perhaps she went home already to prepare the last things. Even this should be the truth, I have still to be careful. I am unable to look into her mind such as... she would not have... something like other people. Everything is hidden behind a great curtain of fog-

I do not want to give her another chance, and at first this side road is going to be a perfect place to hide- but unfortunately not forever. To stop means to be an easy prey...

...

Then... I am going to try it-

I will go to this damned Mall in the hope she will not trace me. For the time I can remember there had been ever good places to hide between and behind these many plants...

...

The Mall.

Everytime I am there this place is giving me a feeling of... how small I am. In comparison to everything that is here I am really small, little. This is the world of the hard working and busy grown ups. In the city centre is still something like an 'heart' and at this place... sure, it is nice at the Mall, but all things seem to be impersonal, they are just summed up at a place and in an order that... no, ... ... I... should not get into this. I should not complain about this place, at least I am alone-

"Hey Dib-love, why are you hidin' behind these stuppid bushes-? I thought we skipped this already!"

- - How could-? - For a second time-?

They had found me... this man... this time I will not have any chance to get away- He will call the police or something even worse- I do not want to see him. But... who is this..? As long as I can beat my curiosity and stay silent, ignoring him... he will lose his interest in-

"Dibbie-?!"

He did not stop. Finally my curiosity wins and I am turning around to see... another child.

A very strange one.

This... boy (?) had been holding a popsickle in his left hand. I know, this is nothing uncommon, but...

He had only three fingers on each hand and was wearing... black gloves,... and he had a really stupid wig on his head- anyone who would not recognize this to be fake hair had to be a complete ignorant- but this had not been the most shocking discoveries- -

The skin of this child was... green- ... and, to my surprise- he had no ears nor... a nose... and no eyebrows...

How can... is this really a... an human-?!

I am convinced he is not- -!

However, this weird creature had been moving slowly towards me, licking once more his ice-cream and calling me something like 'his one and only human love'...

Sure, only for this day I am 'Dib', but... do I still want to have the identity of this mysterious child - or more 'copy' of me - and his even more weird companion-? I just want to know now... who the Hell this 'Dib' is-

Something seems to have caught his attention and he stopped just some steps in front of me- He is telling me "You aren't Dibbie-"

His popsickle has lost any meaning to him now, it is thrown to the ground. He is looking very angry at me, direct into my eyes, his voice is threatening with... pain I do not want to think of-

"Where's-_MY_-**Dib**-?!"

Where did I get in here-? A kind of a freak show-? I am not one of these people who are fond of such performances-

"Open your filthy trap, earth monkey-!! Where's _**my**_** Dib**-??"

I have no fear, I am not afraid of this... whoever he is-

I am-

"I am DIB-!"

He shall stop - I have to get this quiet quickly, otherwise the adults are going to look who is shouting in the Mall- I hope my statement is calming him down-

Now he is jumping towards me, his left indexfinger just stopped in front of my nose as he continues to... yell at me. I am still sitting behind this bush-

"You aren't DIB, I can smell your disgusting sweat of fear, freaky wormbaby-! Maybe you're looking like DIB but I'll ever find my DIB-!!"

Why-? He has no nose-? How is he able to..?

... it does not matter.

This has to stop soon-

"And now tell me where he is if you don't want to rue the day of your pitiful birth-!!"

- even if I have to keep his mouth shut with my hands-

"_Shhhhhh-!_ Be silent just for one little moment-"

I have to take a look around, no one has recognized our little argument - although this kid had been the only one shouting here.

"Do you have not any clue-?"

Through my two hands he is hissing as poisonly as Mrs. Bitters.

_"Take your paws away or I'll bite 'em off-!!"_

"Then do not shout anymore, okay-"

"You have no right to give the _GREAT_ and _**AMAZING ZIM**_ any commands-!!"

"Fine, then try to bite my hands off, you jerk-!"

...

Some minutes were passing by; nothing had happened. To be honest, I had been expecting something, his words had not been empty threats- so they seemed to be-

He is... hesitating for some reason... before he is finally waving my hands away.

"This time you might've won, but the next time'll be your grave, stinky-!"

"That is really nice of you to give me this warning- Would you mind now if I am going to... I am leaving now, you kind of... whatever you are- but no human, that is clear- -"

I want to leave this horrible place, perhaps there are more than just this... right- Dib said he would be here with his friend**s**, and plural means... more than one-!

I hope not to meet the other people if they are like... the green one over there...

...

Actually I have already some time left. It is about 3 p.m., and Skool is out for today - where did the time go by-? Everything had stolen so many precious time...

... there is still someone. Behind me. And he is humming a king of a tune I do not know...

I stopped.

"What's wrong with you, wormy-?"

"Why are you following me-?" This is going me on my poor nerves.

"There's no reason in particular, but I wanna know where's Dibbie, and if you're not telling me I have to follow you, and wether it should be necessary to the back of your dirty damned world- or I'll open your big hollow head to find out where he is - I know this is your little secret-"

"Very nice, thank you-" He shall tell me his real name... otherwise this no named... will chase after me in my dreams-

"Then tell me... who are you? I mean: who are you really?"

"I've already said it: I'm the _GREAT __**AMAZING **__**ZIM**_-!!"

"I had taken this as a joke- do not play such a fool, who would call you", I was mimicking quotation marks, "_'GREAT __**AMAZING **__**ZIM**__' _anyways-?"

"You're supposed to call me this way, 'cause it's true, pitiful pathetic dirty filth-!"

"... filth is always dirty..." The '_GREAT __**AMAZING **__**ZIM**_' seemed to be a real moron, now he had proved this to me-

Unfortunately he seemed to be quick-tempered.

"I knoooooowwwww-!!" he claimed, posing as the greatest person who ever lived with his index finger pointing into the sky.

"Because I'm superior to you, crawling your whole life in the dust, because I'm IRKEN-!!"

"I could have told you before that you are annoying..."

This... please, ... this shall be just a bad dream, a nightmare so I can wake up- I do not care how beautiful it is to have this 'freetime' as long as this is going to end-

"Phhhhh...", a great reply for someone who is claiming to be better than me.

"Stop rolling your eyes this way-!"

"Do you have any reason why I should follow your instructions, '_GREAT __**AMAZING **__**ZIM**_'of the 'superior' ANNOYERS-?!"

"I'm IRKEN, not annoying- And yeah, because I'd saved your poor life as I didn't make my wish come true- You've to reward something to me, and now tell me where's Dibbehh-! And as we're at this point - who are you to dare to trick me with your outlooking, earthling-?"

"Your 'Dibbehh' is probably on the way back to my home. And I am looking this way, I cannot do anything against it, who do you think I am-?! This had been his idea to switch our places, actually I did not want to bother him... and he also gave me something of this...-"

I was showing him 20 dollars.

"That's nice, I know the reason why I'm loving my Dibbie-"

He was still following me, and actually I did not know where I was going to. Just some random streets to prevent me to stop somewhere. And a kind of slight sport. Actually PE had been the only subject my performances had been mediocre...

That had been confusing. This 'Zim' said he loved 'Dib', but Dib had been a boy, too- provided Zim was a boy as well this... ... and much more...

... to love 'Dib'...

... I was looking like Dib... so it meant...

"Zim-", I was looking curious at him as he rose one of his non-existant eye brows. "You said you are loving Dib-"

- "That's right, human. You are allowed to call me just 'ZIM'."

- "And you said I was looking like Dib as well-"

- "Do you have to repeat everything-?!" he commented annoyed.

- "Are you loving me some kind like you are loving Dib, too-? You did not make your threat about biting my hands off come true, and now you are following me without... you have cut those harsh insults a lot-"

He seemed not to have expected my conclusions.

"That's a LIEEEEEEE--!!" Another foolish announcement is going to follow his jerkish acts- does he not know that pointing at other people with one's bare indexfinger is impolite..?

"You wanna confuse meee with 'da stupid stuff and then you'll wanna expose meee, you predictable human- -"

"- human what-?"

"- hyumiiiin-!!"

... right... ... I thought I would hate my life just because of mother but now I got a second reason-

- at least now I know my classification: I am an 'hyumiiiin'...

...

"- Calm down, I do not want to do anything to you, I only want some peace and quiet I will not get as long as you are proving how jerkish you are-!"

"It's not my fault you're so... cutting-" And I thought he would not be able to be even more weird as he already had been... he had a sad look in his eyes-

"Actually my Dibbeh's laughing everytime when I'm cheerin' him up, and you're so... un-Dib-like..."

"You have forgotten an important fact: no matter how much I wish to be your Dib, I will not be- We just look the same-"

His eyes widened as if he were unable to believe... right, he had no ears... with what kind of... how was he able to hear-? Am I such an ignorant, too-? I oversaw this paradox for such a long time...

"What did 'ya say-?" He replied impatient. I did not know what he wanted to hear.

"'Dib and me are looking the same'-?" I asked him curiously. He already had known this fact... Perhaps his brain had been defective, too.

"Noooo, you fooool- before 'tis-! **Say it again- -!!**" he nearly jumped at me. Yelling seemed to be his hobby-

... wait, what did I say to him anyway..?

I seemed to have spoken without using my mind, these words had been... they had come from deep inside, and I did not want to tell them anyone ever-

I had said... did I..? Is this mysterious Dib so much interesting to me-? Why did I... Do I want to finally take over his role..? Sure, I do want to be loved, no matter by whom-?! But to be...

He was clenching his fists. "Hurry, earth-monkey-!!"

I could not repeat my words... clearly... without any interruptions...

"I... I said... 'I wished... to be...'" I did not want to say it once again. He would... he would... I am... I am just a little child..!

"Go on, YOU-!" This Zim would never stop before I would have finished my 'task'- He would show me his cruelty right after my... kind of confession...

"'I wished to be... your...'", my voice became lower with every word. I had gulped one last time, "'I-wished-to-be... your-... _Dib_...'"

Before he had been able to counter anything a loud yell broke through the entire area. I had been glad, probably I would be safe now-

"Come on- don't be so lame-!" I heard these words come from a side street, Zim was listening very careful to them- this had been-

"Hey, nice- I'm a girl, don't you remember-?!"

"Spare your breath-!!"

Then they were arriving in full run.

Dib, and right behind him were... Karen- Why had she been here with him-?

Zim seemed to be very happy.

"DIB-!" He ran directly towards him, stretching his arms to embrace his 'human-love'. Dib saw this but did not react properly because both seemed to have run a long distance as-

"I knew... it already-!"

I had been walking over to Karen more slowly than Zim to Dib. She was pouting.

"I knew you weren't Jules-", she said pointing at Dib, "because I know him, I... I like him- You can fake... one's outlooking but you'll never be able to... copy my Jules' heart-"

Did I hear correctly-?

She had said... still panting after this chase- ...

Zim had reacted on Karen's conclusions very Zim-like if I am allowed to say this, but Dib pouted. He had been panting as well as Karen but not as much as her.

"I'm not faking to look like him, I had been born this way-"

"Yeah, monkey woman, and I had known this one isn't my Dib-"

"I'm no monkey, you- green tomato-! ... " She looked at me and then back at Dib, "I had never thought you would really look like... reflections-" before she turned back to me, "nevertheless I'll always find you-" Another time she gave me the gift of her smile- before she began to giggle.

"Wow, your eyes are beautiful-"

Actually we had been happy during this little moment as everyone of us had found back the one he had been missed.

"I don't like to be your killjoy, but you forgot why we are here, right-?"

Then everything began to break into uncoutable pieces-

"What's going on, Dibbeh-?" Zim asked curiously. I did want to know their 'secret' as well-

Dib took his turn to explain-

"There'd been an unfortunate incident on this birhtday-"

"- There you are-!"

-as a fifth party joined our group. Mother. Dressed in a rich but tasteless dress with... red flowers. At least something different from her usual clothes. Above this she was wearing an apron, too, but this one had been completely white, not as the other ones at home.

"Why did you ran away, Jules-? We had been about to cut into the cake, and you know it's not a real birthday without you. The rules are clear: everyone has to stay at home-" Again she had this... smile on her mouth- Everyone who saw her would be scared off, or at least: cursing his imagination about what would be able to happen-

- unpredictable.

Dib wanted to go on with "She had been-"

"SHUT UP-!!" as he was cut. Mother's look was furious on Dib and me.

"Did you think you're able to fool me-?! I have already known there had to be two of you- no single person would be able to screw up our family in the way you have done-!!"

Now she had gone mad for real.

She is threatening us all - we are so small, such an high... human... adult... person... mother...-

Where do I go to-? I am able to feel it, I have known the truth for such a long time, but to know something does not mean to be able to realize it- I can hear it, _they_ are telling me that... you... you want to take my life from me, you want me to be your puppet, to live a life you have been dreaming of since you had been a child... I do have friends, I do have someone who is worth to be protected by me, this is my life and you have no right to lead me as if I were someone without any emotions, a servant, a slave without any will just to please you and your 'family', to live after your attitudes...

"Jules, go away-!"

"Are you mad, too-? Off-!!"

"Dib 2-?!"

They are funny. Even though I can hear their voices... they do not reach me. I have found the one and only great truth for me... now this moment as you are standing in front of me, showing me this deadly smile...

What does time... our existance have a meaning to me, to you-?

I will protect you as you had done... Karen...

Perhaps there had to happen something so incredible as my encounter with Dib, and maybe with this Zim... to realize everything...

Now mother I am ready... my arms are great... large enough to take your last... 'love' or whatever you are calling this-

Come on, I have nothing left to lose-

"Aaaaaaaaaaaahhhhhhh-!!"

Why do you cry, Karen..?

There is nothing wrong with me, please calm down...

"Where the Hell did she get this damned knife from-?! WHERE-?!"

"As we'd met I'd told you she'd been about to cut into this fucking cake-!"

Why are they..?

Their voices are hurting me. I wished they would be as silent as you, mother- You do not seem to care... that my blood is on your blade now, on your hands- how quiet and warm it is dripping down, back to the earth... where everything is going to... end... and from where anything is beginning...

Zim, how do I like your silence... do you know the sense of the word 'death'-? You seem to...

The world is... so cold and dark- Please, I want to go... I want to see other places, where people are happy...

Do not fear anything...

--

Annotation:

Hey, hello, I am back-

I hope I did not scare you that much now, just remember: he won't die, because then he would not have any part in the T.V. series...

The next one is going to be the last chapter, I am skipping many years so don't get confused.

And just to let you know: the next chapter will be posted together with the 7th chapter of "Dib's liberation" ('Dib's memories' ("Damaged")) because in this scene will be a slight cross-over. And as you maybe have already guessed, the chapters 9 and 10 of this story will have also cross-overs in another fiction I am going to write.

Unfortunately this will take some more time then, because I have to write the chapter and have to redo some others as well-

And why the young Prof. did not ask Zim about his skin, ears, nose, lack of fingers and the gloves...

I hadn't forgotten this, I tried to integrate this but there had been no logical gap to put it in.

I hope you aren't angry with me, cookie, because I used this 'irksome'/'annoying' thing - I looked it up in the dictionary, you were right..! Okay, I had known it before but I looked it up a second time-

Now my last action here: I want to thank some people -

cookie (for your reviews, and... this is going to sound like good bye so I am telling you next time) and otherrealmwriter (a great honour). And some other friends as well: armschwein from unmotiviert.at and my other friends who had been really worried about me-

Now I am going to... try to forget how... screwed up my life already is-! I just want this to go away, I want to be free-


	11. Into the present time

An house.

My home, new home since... I am unable to recall the exact time, date.

Everything is grey, covered with dust. I do not see any reason why I should... clean it. There is nothing... to do it because I am in need of a lovely home-? I do not need anything, I do not feel as I am needing any refuge, to make it worthy living, livable...

... except of...

"Good night daughter, sleep well-"

_- Squeak -_

_**11. Capter: "Into the present time"**_

To think about the past is quite unusual for me.

Because everything, every little second of a memory is over, gone... and will never return to me-

... I had always tried to bury everything well, but perhaps this is because of-

_- Tock tock - Squeak -_

It is pretty cold in this room. The coolness from outside-

"Son, please shut the window. You will just catch a chill and anyways, it is time for you to sleep now-"

- him. Everytime I am looking into his eyes, seeing his black hair with the same scythe as me as I had been his age, the glasses...

... he is reminding me of myself as I had been a child.

"Daddy, where's mommy-?"

You are having exact the same look into your eyes. You want to know something I am unable to tell you, I will never do this... hurt you this way; maybe the other children are mocking you because of this, where your 'mother' is, and you do not need anything else to lay heavy on your chest... like me...

I do not want to call you this way although this is the truth, I do not know how I shall call you-

- copy - clone - reflection -

You are still looking outside if you were able to catch just... a short look of a woman you do not know, you never have seen and who is not existing anymore. So tell me...

... who are you really looking for-?

"Your mother will not come home this day son because... it is very late, probably she is still working busy at her latest project- Come here, please-"

Look at me, then come to me.

Take my widespread arms, my only offer I can give you now-

"And she'll be 'da tomorrow-?" Everytime you are looking at me from... down there... I am bending down to see you, to take...

... your tiny vulnerable hands-

"Of course she will, but only if you get enough sleep you can catch her early in the morning-" Believe me just one more time-

"Yay-!" Your adorable smile, just as me... I do not know how long I am able to feed you with this lie... I am aware that you will probably... hate me when you are finding out-

"Fine, you are happy son. And now I want you to take off your glasses and to go to bed-"

... why do you shake your head? What is wrong with you-? Even your smile has disappeared... I thought we do not have to go through this anymore... you are three years old now-

"Tell meee somethin'-"

... I am able to understand you. It is quite usual to...

"Fine, son- but lay down anyways; there is the nightstand for your spectacles-", I am saying while I am pointing at his bed, "then I am going to tell you something."

I will make your wish come true. You will lay under your fluffy blanket and I will sit down at the edge of your bed just to tell you one of your beloved bedtime stories again-

"Which story do you want to listen- - what is-?"

"I wanna sit 'da-"

On my lap-?

... you seem to be happy once again, to cuddle up between my arms and my upper body... nevertheless I have to convince you to stay under the blanket. It is not bothering me to have you sitting in my lap just because you are a boy, too, it is only-

"You will get cold, son-"

"Dib." You are looking into my eyes- my eyes... without any glass to distort the look

"What..?" Anyways, I had not expected this reply.

"You said you gimme 'da name 'Dib'." Are you disappointed because I did not react to your look-?

"You are right...", you had left me complete puzzled with everything you had said and done, "But why are you saying this now-?"

"I wanna be callet 'Dib' from you-"

Actually it is not bad to have someone pouting a bit and rubbing his head gently against my left arm, my labcoat- you want to embrace somebody with your small arms who will just hurt you... showing affection for somebody who... please stop it-

"Please stop this, son, your touch is causing very uncomfortable stomachache-"

"Do 'ya have a booboo in 'da tummy-?" Your huge amber eyes are asking me about...

"Yes-"

Unfortunately my last reminder of... our first and last encounter, Dib, and mother- Do not be upset, I wanted to cheer you up-

"Do you even know the reason why I have chosen this name for you-?"

"No-", snuggling up more to my elbow you are telling me something completely unknown, "... they'r always callin' me stupid names 'cause of that..."

Do not take this too much to your heart-

"... ...this name... is symbolizing... ... ... once... I had a friend, ... his name had been- Dib, but one day he and his... he went away without telling me- this day I had been losing one of my bestest friends I ever had..."

I wished I could go back, go back and tell _this_ Dib everything-

"Don't be upset daddy", ... you are wanting... to dry these tears, ... to heal these wounds... ... "I'm sure he knows-"

"I do hope so son, I do hope so-"

"- Dib-!"

"I am sorry, ... Dib... ... I do not want your name lose its meaning, its high value for me- - as long as you will never be ashamed of your name not everone has... is worthy to have-"

Because we will meet again.

One day, ... and this is going to be in my memories- will be the green child be there as well..? But this will not matter, because then...

Then I am going to tell you the entire truth...-

At the time I had first seen you I did not know who you were. That day you had given me something... strenght to never surrender... I went on my way, just to reach my aim, to show them... her... how brilliant, worthy for any kind of feelings of a mother I was...

We... I have done something against the morals - our experiment...

I am supposed to keep it going, our project had received an amount of money from the government after they had been informed about hiw successful we had been... but I am not sure if I want to continue-

Actually I had known, understood the meaning of 'cloning', but to have an human being in front of me...

Will I..? Do I want to..? Every day, every look at you... I am supposed to stay away from you, to keep a great distance between us otherwise... what kind of a scientist is developing something like a relationship, emotions like 'love' to his research project..?

But-

Am I such a cruel monster-? The monster I am going to turn into if..?

Why have we... why have I done this..?

I do not know... how shall we... the end- the end of all, the meaning of

life... ... it had been a great exceptions to get the permission to even let you life here, in my "home"... they had expected us to keep you safe - safe and locked away at the place of your birth-a cold and unfeeling laboratory- but you will never get away, be free... we had to make sure you would be unable to make any step without us noticing... something deep inside of you will us tell every time where you are-

...

- ... you are really cute, enjoying my tender touch... on your hair, your small cheek-

I feel like I would give something back to someone I thought I had already lost... because I am knowing it...

... do not fear anything... however everything is going to turn out in the end... this moment will remain forever, no one will ever be able to destroy this moment, they cannot take this away from us-

... do whatever you want, what you are calling "para-science" as long as you will be able to enjoy your life... you do not know how much trapped you are already at this moment...

Maybe just right now I can say... I can tell you something I cannot comprehend, I had never coped well in telling my emotions to anyone, because I do not know... my own feelings, but now I am sure... this is something from deep inside, something you and me can trust in, this is real... listen to me...

"I love you, Dib-"

You are pretty tired now, I can see it- this small one on your forehead shall guard you safe to the land of dreams

_- Kiss -_

--

Annotation:

I am... I am done... _finally_-

I know the ending had been very... fluffy (?), but I had already planned to turn it out this way (my first thoughts before I had even planned to write the story). So I hope I did not disappoint you. I do not know how inhuman the Prof. can/could be- something I have to/I am thinking about already.

Actually this is not the end (of everything), I tried to show the Prof.'s

dilemma of... the decision between humanity and science-

How everyone is already lost in something he did not want to be in... so actually this 'ending' is not really fluffy, because there are already indications of the bad things that are about to happen.

By the way, did you recognize-? At the beginning of the third paragraph above the _-kiss- _the Prof. is telling Dib the same words as at the end of chapter 10. And some of Dib's words I wrote wrong on purpose... in fact I like little Dib as well as... the little Prof.- sorry, I am babbling, so here is more (important) explanation:

This should be just one little moment (I am speaking of the final scene here). You all are knowing that they had much more negative moments together- Yes, I am going to continue this, but in an other story. There are still some questions left -

I cannot say how much space the Prof. is going to fill in the next fic, but I think... there s still a conflict between him and Dib, so I want to go on at this point.

I hope you are going to be there, too.

Now I want to thank **91cookieluvahh59** for accompanying me till this point and **otherrealmwriter** for... I have great problems in assessing anything, and everytime someone is telling me I have done a good job I am just freaking out (because I am so happy then), yeah **cookie**, because of your reviews as well-!

(wow, 2 "Thank you-!"'s for you)

And **my other** **friends **who had been very worried about me- Plus **armschwein** form unmotiviert.at-

And of course: many thanks to **everyone else **who had read my story! (But now I am done and that's why I am unable to thank you personally... as long as I will not redo anything here-)

But now I want to keep my promise. I do not know how many people just have been waiting for this moment...

The characters 'Mary' and 'Matthew'... I my plan had been to turn Mary eventually into a total freak, an insane... who had been in need of psychological help.

This had been because... I tried to change the reality.

Because there is someone... ...

Yeah, I wanted to show 'Mary' as a maniac, an insane, horrible, cruel, disgusting, ... to show you the abyss of an human being.

So she is different from the model. Yes, there is someone existing who had been a model for her, but I tried to change her as best as could...

How hideous people can be - I am thinking about this nearly every day.


End file.
